Monday, May 4, 2009

Crystal clear.

When I heard that one of my classes required a two-hour block of 'volunteer' work each week, I was less than enthused. It seemed unnecessary. It seemed, almost, unfair. But now... I'm so, so thankful for the time I spend at an after-school child care center each Thursday.

Crystal was among the quieter girls I met the first day I attended my pacement. But when she shyly asked me if I would play with her, my heart melted. I watched her as she hung on the monkeybars. She suddenly remarked that her parents are separated. She told me that when they married, they kissed each other - on the cheek, she said, because "kissing on the lips is so gross!"

"Before they were married, I was not here," she said, her feet on the ground. "I did not come out of my mommy’s tummy yet. So I was floating." As if she sensed my confusion, she looked up at me with her big, light brown eyes. “I was floating in the sky, because I was an angel.”

It was the sincerety in her voice that got me. Since then Crystal has run to me whenever I arrive, calling out my name. She showers me with welcoming hugs and grabs me by the hand to lead me around. She doesn't like to share me with others and spends a lot of our time together asking me questions in her little, soft voice. She always compliments my outfit and asks me if she can try on my jewelry - and is always quick to thank me when I let her. She's right - she was an angel, and I think she still is. :]

The point is this: I really love kids... To the point that... Well, I don't want to say to the point that I want to be a teacher. I don't. That's Ethan's thing (and he'll be great at it!!). But I always want children to be in my life - and I'm talking about before I have my own. Maybe children's ministry... I don't know. They are such a blessing. Throughout the Books of Matthew and Luke there is mention of welcoming the kingdom of God like a child. It is a call to recapture that naive childhood wonder and a child's inability - and aversion to - acknowledge differences - between possible and impossible; myth and truth... Maybe I'm getting too deep here.

I just have this perpetual 'itch' - and, at the same time, this air of confusion - to always do something more with my life. There's so much I want to accomplish - so much I even want to try - that I'm sometimes overwhelmed by my ambitions. I think this is a common occurrence. I guess I'm just praying for some sort of guidance in some direction. As much as I love a challenge, I'll be spreading myself all sorts of thin if I don't narrow it down soon.

And as much as I know this... I still want to try it all. I feel like that's the conclusion I always reach. :]

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