Same old, same old.

I can make friends. Often, however, I feel less than equipped when it comes to maintaining those friendships. I know my friends have their own lives to live, but it hurts to reach out to someone and get little to nothing in return. It feels like this keeps happening: just as it's been resolved with one friend, it happens with another. It's... ironic. And sad.

I haven't always had the best luck with best friends. I hope she won't mind me sharing this, but I recently had a pretty difficult 'situation' with one of my best friends. It's hard to swallow when someone who told you she would always be there for you disappears from your life and denies your attempts to become involved in her life again. There are always reasons for this - I know  -but it doesn't make it sting any less. This person is someone who I feel adds an irreplaceable element to my life, and I hope that she feels similarly, and it sucked to realize that, while I was stuck missing her, she was going on living without me. I confronted her - a couple of times before anything shifted, before I even saw an ounce of recognition of the situation. She told me she understood where I was coming from - that she realized she'd been selfish. She told me that she saw that people took advantage of me... that people manipulated me, took more than they gave... I don't know if that's true or not. But the point is, she said that she had vowed to never be that kind of friend to me. And she fell through. Because life happens. So I forgave her. I always will forgive her. Plus, I realize that I was not entirely blameless. There's plenty of things each of us could have done differently.

I don't know why I allow myself to be subject to debilitating friendships... Although some people may not recognize it, I really do try to keep the peace with everyone. If I could be everyone's friend, I would. I guess I've just learned that allowing people to take advantage of our friendship doesn't always keep them around.

I don't know if I'll keep this entry up simply because I sound like such a whiney baby. I know that I have some great people in my life. I have some friends and family who are always, always there to pick me up when I'm down and I'm more than willing to act the same way for them. And I'm so lucky - so thankful for that.

I don't know the point of this post, other than I really miss the conversation of a person who has suddenly been absent from my life. And I don't know what else to do about it. The end.