There's a guy I know.

Who sits in front of the couch on which I lay teary-eyed. I'm crying over the fact that I'm not good enough, am I? and I just don't understand and No one believes in me but myself. The latter one sounds kind of positive, but when the people capable of giving you the chance to prove it don't offer you that chance, you're kind of stuck in a rut.

Apart from the summer months, I've consistently been in a show during every quarter of schooling for the past four years. I didn't earn that opportunity this quarter, and I commented on how my life is going to feel sort of empty without it.

He sat, empathizing with me and reminding me that God has a plan for me, before offering me a solution: "I'll do something with you," he suggested. "We'll write our own play. You'll be the princess. And we can sing songs together every weekend." And somehow all of that seems more enjoyable, in a way, than being on a big stage this quarter anyway. :] Thanks E!

I've been thinking recently... I don't think Theatre is for me. I don't want to spend my life in competition. I don't want to spend my life all over the place, with no time or means for a place that I feel I truly belong or for a family of my own... A life like that is too big for a girl like me.

Anyway. Ten months with Ethan. Each one better than the last. :]

Auditions tomorrow.

Relatively freak out? Don't mind if I do!

Words of wisdom from E.

"Wedding rings are usually like, thirty to sixty-five dollars. At least any of the ones I'll ever buy for my future wife. Am I right or am I right?"

He was kidding. I hope. ;]

Not much to say post-time change.

We lost an hour last night. Where did it go? Who knows.

"Over the Mountain" had its closing show last night. I think it was one of our better performances. Strike was relatively short, which gets a big fat thumbs up from me. Also, there was pizza. Need I say more?

 These are lemon-on-lemon cupcakes with sugar sprinkles or coconut. I'm sad to say that by the time I got to school, the text on the cupcakes had melted and spread into nearly unrecognizable shapes. Nevertheless, the sentiment remains the same.

Red congratulatory roses from my Grandma.

Hot pink congratulatory roses from E. :]

Peach congratulatory roses from another Grandma. all via my flickr.

So the closing show went well, made better by the attendence of family members and good friends. Jinelle is home for Spring Break and it's been nice to have a close friend back in town. :] I have missed her and I enjoy her company. And Target excursions. Although I must admit I was a little (read: SUPER) dismayed that the effects of my weight-gain are now evident as I shop for new clothes. Resolution: no more Bronco food! (Sorry, E, you can still go - just please stop being nice enough to include me! :P) Anyway my slightly expanded shape did not stop me from spending too much money on clothes I didn't need. Alas. I'm pretty excited to wear them. Someday. :P

Anyway. Auditions on Tuesday. What in the world? Is this even fair? Legal? I don't know. I have a lot to do. I will leave you with this:

A text I received from Ethan during intermission of last night's show:
I JUST SAW AN OLD COUPLE AND HIS HAND WAS ON HER BUTT ALSO YOUR VOICE, ACTING, AND EVERYTHING IS PERFECT

Almost as cute and funny as when he phoned me this afternoon and maintained a Southern accent throughout the duration of the call. Highlights include, "I thank you're a vary special girl an I miss ya ta bits." ;]

Good news!

I am pleased to announce to all two of you who read this that I am now officially a 'published photographer.' Yes!

Months ago, my darling boyfriend took me on a late-summer trip to the San Francisco Zoo. We were so good-lookin' that we got in free. No seriously. It was a 'locals-get-in-free-with-proof-of-residence' day. Well, we're not locals. And yet they let us in free because they thought we were cute. I don't make these things up.

That's how I knew it would be a good day. Although I never did see the zebra I so desperately sought, I did end up with dozens of photographs of the next best thing: giraffes. Everyone loves giraffes. Including myself. So, using my little point-and-shoot, I caught this gem:

via my flickr.

I was informed about a month ago that Schmap, an online map/travel guide company, had selected this photograph to be on their short-list - that is, under consideration for publication - for their San Franciso 2009 guide as part of their feature on the Zoo.

Well, it's been published! It's but one of many beautiful photographs, so I clicked through to find it before taking screenshots. Check it out here, on the actual online guide, and here, on the Schmap application for iPhones.

Sometimes...

I wonder what I want from Life. What profression or approach to living will best fulfill me? Make me most... myself?

Am I making sense here, people?

Sometimes I have visions of being a performer, always in front of people. Other times I'm much more content imagining myself as an artist less on-display. And sometimes I'm completely content just with the idea of being a wife and a mother - a thought I often couple with the fact that I also sometimes just want to open up a little bakery. And even though my other dreams seem lofty, this last vision is the one that seems silliest to me.

And I wonder why? Is it because it's simple? Is it because I fear that that's boring? Not challenging enough? Or would it be monotonous? Could I live with monotony? Or can I learn to find the variability in such a life? Create the variability?

via my flickr.

I've been blessed with the support of family and friends who encourage me to follow my heart and do my best to accomplish my goals. I consider myself lucky that each of my aspirations are, on one level or another, plausible. :]

Wednesday What?

My Math professor returned our midterms today. I received mine not knowing what to expect. When I discovered that I had aced the exam - an accomplishment perhaps not entirely unusual in Ethan's academic career, but unseen in mine for nearly a decade - I let out a What? This was a good 'what'.

After my second class, I headed to my car which I had parked along a nearby street. Upon reaching my vehicle, I discovered a horrid thing: someone had boxed me in. What? I said again. This was a less pleased 'what', but one of equal disbelief. Someone had squished their vehicle into the few feet between the front of my car and the start of the red-painted curb alerting people not to park there. Although the front of their car was still well into the aforementioned red zone,  this person had opted to give me less than eight inches between the front of my car and the back of their's, despite the fact that there was someone parked not far behind me. Was not happy. Was freaking out. Waited ten minutes. Called Ethan to ask him to come coach me so I wouldn't hit either car. Finally - success, sans retaliation.

Well. There would have been no retaliation had Ethan not had a really good idea...

We left this on the car's windshield before fleeing the scene of the crime. Nothin' like letting your passive-aggressive side out to play.

What? Can you blame us? :]

Things about Tuesday.

1. I had a Psych exam.
2. The sky found out about this and cried on my behalf all day.
3. Hot chocolate is the bomb. Tuesday and every day.
4. Ethan is super adorable, hilarious, and intelligent. Tuesday and every day.
5. My voice recorded is odd, as I discovered as I recorded a warm-up CD for Voice class.
6. Eczema between your fingers is a very ouchy thing.
7. The rain has me photographically inspired both outside and inside my home.
-7a. I LOVE ME SOME MACRO LENS!
-7b. Observe the evidence.

A very teeny cherry blossom in a puddle in my backyard.

These are teensy tiny weeds growing between pavement cracks. I like the photo because it kind of looks like a tropical island. :P

Water droplets. Need I say more?

Found myself relatively perplexed as to why the moon was making an appearance so early in the evening. This macro-lensed photo doesn't do the beauty of the whole thing justice.

This is Ruca, my brother's mouse. We hadn't planned to get a mouse, but one day my brother showed up with one in a little box. My mom asked him what made him think he could buy, keep, and properly care for a mouse? Turns out he hadn't even bought her food, let alone a 'house.' :P Long story short, we ended up with two mice. Voila!

My momma makes fantastic jewelry. I am trying to cajole her into creating at Etsy shop with yours truly so we can spread our artsy love. :] all via my flickr.

8. Round two of the "Over the Mountain" run begins tomorrow!
9. Best Friend Jinelle will be here in three days!
10. I am a very lucky, happy lady. :D

Monday!

Math midterm. Studying for Psych exam. Etc. And - I don't really watch "The Bachelor," but I tuned into the Season Finale because, really, all you need to know about the show happens in that episode. And can I just respond to the whole thing with a resounding, What?

Yes. I can.

And, for no apparent reason, this:

A little turtle spotted by and rescued by my daddy from the middle of the road in Hayden, Idaho, this past summer. via my flickr.

This Week in Photos.

This has been a busy week. Despite a few minor breakdowns and one really big one that hit me on Tuesday, I've been pretty content with the goings-on of my life. :]

Tech rehearsals all week followed by the first weekend of performances of my university's workshop production of "Over the Mountain," in which I act and sing - or to be more accurate, mostly just sing. The production will see its professional theatre debut this spring at Brava! in San Francisco. I love my cast and between this production and theatre classes, I've been spending a whooole lotta time in the Mayer Theatre. In fact, I am currently backstage during our matinee writing this post. Oh baby! Anyway, the week also consisted of many other fun things. Most of which are documented through the art of photography.

So now I present to you, This Week in Photos: The Green Room edition.

The week started off right with a little something called a Parisian Burger (in the style of Linda's Drive-In) from Armadillo Willy's. It's a delectable burger complete with sourdough bun and a 'secret sauce' dating back to the 1950s, served with 'super fries' (aka tater tots). HIGHLY reccomended. Did you know that Armadillo Willy's observes Half-Price Burger Day each Saturday AND serves Diet Dr. Pepper (for which I have found a renewed love)?

Tech Week began with a two sessions of six-hour stumble-through rehearsals. Here is the set about half-way furnished. And Kristin, who plays Jo, lookin' cute.

And then this happened. The Recital Hall framed by a really pretty sunset.
And a nearby building looking really eerie.

Wednesday marked my brother's sixteenth birthday. If you know anything about Tucker, you will be able to understand why I am surprised he even made it to sixteen. :P

So I dressed up really fly for the occasion.
So that E and I could help my darling Momma surprise Tucker and friends (not pictured - this photo kind of makes Tucker look like a loner with a Camp Rock obsession) at school with a four-foot burrito, the likes of which intact were not photographed. Shame.

This is an aforementioned gift to my brother. It is a sterling silver guitar pick handstamped with Tucker's favorite lyrics (from Streetlight Manifesto's "A Better Place, A Better Time"). This masterpiece comes from Jennie of The Frivolous Ferret by Desert Deva Designs. So happy with how it turned out. Tucker was, too!

Here I am, either before our Final Dress on Thursday or pre-Opening on Friday night. The perks of being in a show like this one is that neither perfect hair nor makeup is required. :]

Friday night there was a Cast Party that also served as a birthday party of sorts for a lovely lady I like to call Kandace. Here we are!

On Saturday morning, Ethan made me breakfast: scrambled eggs with cheese, Canadian bacon, and - our favorite ingredient: mushwooms! I was a happy girlfriend. We then helped my parents with yet another surprise in belated-honor of Tucker's birthday: surprise bowling party!

So we went. Ethan is actually a great (and super handsome) bowler. AND, I bowled one-third of a perfect score. Ohhh yeah! And Ethan got the chance to get a little closer with Tucker's friends.

Maybe a lot closer.

I don't have any photos of "Over the Mountain" as of yet. Why is this? I have no clue. I will do my best to remedy soon! Off to study for midterms. Yus!