I am a lucky lady.

Saturday was not easy for me. Emotional outbursts were the theme of the day. After any anger subsided, I moped around, feeling sorry for my actions and for, well, myself.

Michelle, Monique and I had planned to go see a production at my high school, where we would meet up with Ethan. When we were finally together, I noticed Ethan had a bouquet of glowing red tulips in tow, I assumed for one of the actors we would see that evening.

So I was surprised when he held them out to me, saying "These are for you." After I had accepted them graciously, although with some confusion, we took a moment for ourselves in the midst of all the people around us.

"Do you know why I got you tulips?" he asked. "I know that you have had a rough day. The tulips don't look very pretty yet because they are hardly open. So maybe, just like the tulips will become beautiful, maybe your bad day will become beautiful too."

Yes, he actually said that. Sometimes I feel like he walked right out of a movie and into my life. Whatta romantic! :]



A Date Night bouquet and cheer-up tulips, both from lovely, awesome Boyfriend. via my flickr.

As much as I feel I should be...

I'm not really looking forward to the rest of today. via my flickr.

Last night.

Was. Amazing.

A beautiful bouquet. A pleasant car ride. Pluto's. Kara's. A fun walk around Santana Row.

An awesome boyfriend. :]

Thank you, Ethan.

And we're back.

Old Town Sacramento and Half Moon Bay, respectively. via my flickr.

I returned from my little getaway with Momma Tuesday afternoon and saw E that evening. It was a happy reunion! :D

Yesterday my mom and I went to the grocery store to load up on healthier food as part of our new eating plan - the details of which are mostly yet to be determined. I spent the afternoon making muffins. I received a text from Boyfriend and an adorable correspondence followed.

Ethan: Would you like to have dinner and see a movie tonight on me?

Grace: Are you asking me out on a date?

Ethan: Well, only if you're saying yes.

Only... I remembered I had promised to make dinner for my family. So the task of making dinner became our date. Not quite as intimate but WHATEV. So E embarked on the difficult journey of aiding me in a little recipe from Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious, which basically helps weary moms in sneaking veggies into the meals of their picky eaters. So I settled on chicken nuggets which, we found, are actually really quite disgusting to make. I mean, you puree broccoli. In a blender. You mix that with egg and dip into it the chicken, which you have rinsed and off of which your boyfriend has rid of its icky bits and cut into little chunks. And so they turn out sort of green. Which would be very festive, had our dinner been a week and a bit earlier. Anyway, try them with organic ketchup. With a sort of summer picinic theme, our sidedishes were unsweetened applesauce with a bit of cinnamon sugar on top, crisp green grapes, and apple juice - you guessed it - from a juice box!

The fun didn't stop there. Melt butter on the stove. Puree a peeled avocado. Get some confectioner's sugar, unsweetened cocoa powder, and a little bit of vanilla. Pour 'em all in and mix thoroughly. Take it off the heat, add some corn starch, and BAM! Chocolate pudding. I kid you not.

It should be noted that Brother Tucker, who cringes at the sight of anything green, ate each of the vegalicious dishes and loved 'em. Mission accomplished.

Then we did dishes. Sheesh.

It is tough work being a mom. BELIEVE ME; I KNOW.

I forgot to say it sooner, but...

I cut my hair! huzzah!

Weighty Issues, Part 1: Introduction.

For as long as I can remember, I have had body-related self-esteem issues. Don't get me wrong - I know this is not uncommon in girls. Women. Females. Whatever. But if my body is a temple, I don't regard it as such.

I was a cute kid. Round face. Blue eyes. Nice smile. But among some of my earliest memories of elementary school are glimpses of feeling... different. Because beginning around that time, I was no longer thin.

And I would remain overweight for nearly a decade (that seems weird to say now - a decade!), gradually gaining weight throughout the remainder of elementary school and then packing on the pounds like crazy throughout my middle school years. This came as a result of several factors: unhappiness; a poor diet; and good, old-fashioned genetics.

Most people at my high school of three years don't know that I lost a monumental amount of weight after my decision to switch schools. It was a blessing that came as a result of healthy eating and more luck than work. I ended up as a sophomore who, while not exactly svelt, didn't feel as if I would stand out as "that one." For once.

Since then it's been an up-and-down ride of fluctuating weights and corresponding fluctuating emotions... I think most people would be surprised to learn that I curse my body almost daily, what with the effort I put into dressing it. Although it seems paradoxical given the context of the entry, I'm a firm believer that everybody and every body is beautiful and everyone can be happy with their bodies so long as they accept them and, hey, dressing them well doesn't hurt either. That's what clothes are to me: a shield. If I'm dressed nicely, you won't notice my size.

But lately I've been feeling less than content with my body - and clothes aren't fixing it, when I can no longer fit into the things I own. And no, this isn't some fish-for-compliments type of post... If there's one thing I've learned from being overweight it's that once you've been there, you're kind of stuck there. Does that make sense? I still consider my body to be imperfect and I still critique myself as if I am still unhealthy - a passtime that is more harmful than helpful.

But it's hard, even with the amazing support system of family and friends and Boyfriend who compliment me when I'm feelin' good or comfort me when I'm feelin' bad. And guys, I will say this: it's not worth it to be overly critical of your bodies. As my mom, who's stuggled in the same ways that I have, has told me, "It's truly a waste of a life" to focus on that kind of thing. I guess the main thing is, a person can't place his or her worth in his or her physical appearance. Ever.

So I'm trying.

Poem - for lulz, but admiring Grace's beauty.

Grace... she is VERY pretty.
Not only that, she is very witty!
Whoops my large butt in every scuddle,
Laughing at me as I cry a puddle.
Just kidding, I always win.
I'm the bomb, she's eating dindin.

AHHH, as you can see, this poem thing was a failed attempt. :[ I've spent so long just sitting here trying to make a good one, but I don't think I can do it today- mabye I will right a better one another day :].

Anyways, what I wanted to say is that Grace is very beautiful, on the inside and the outside! Its pretty crazy. :] I hope she knows that!

Skype works wonders after an awful night.

I had. The worst. Earache. EVER! Last night. Well, second worst. The worst occurred at Michelle's birthday party when there was so much pressure on my eardrum that it perforated. AWESOME!

Skype conversation of the morning:

Grace: Can I buy you new clothes?

Ethan: Yes! Oh yes! For the love, yes! I love the clothes you choose for me the most. Please! Let me be your doll! Dress me! I am your manikan.

HAHAHAHA. I didn't even correct that misspelling cos it's way too cute.

Also - Ethan bought me Girl Scout cookies yesterday because we couldn't resist the adorableness of the little ladies selling them. I just finished off the box for breakfast. OH YEAH!

Hello from Sacramento.

Alas, these photos are not from my trip. But the post just needed a little spice. via my flickr.

Early this morning, my Ethan and I met up for a delicious breakfast at Hobees. Now I'm sitting in a riverside hotel room with my Momma after a long day of shopping... My life is so hard sometimes.

;]

Good friends... die hard?

That's not the expression. :P

Anyway, Karina and Jinelle are two of the most reliable ladies in my life. I can consistently depend on them to support me, empathize with me, and - always - share some laughs with me. Thanks, guys!

I haven't mentioned this yet - I am on Spring Break and it is glorious so far. Yesterday I got up early (which wasn't so glorious) and Costco'd with Momma and Barnes and Noble'd before meeting up with Karina! She left for Hawaii today, lucky girl!

We ate at The Counter in PA, where we had the displeasure of associating with a nearly-incompetant host who gave us take-out boxes when we had asked to sit on the patio. All very confusing, but good food resulted, and that's what really matters. After that, we drove to downtown MV, as per our usual hang-out sesh. We walked through Therapy, which is, truly, therapeutic for the shopping soul. :] Until you purchase a skirt that is probably cost a lot more than it is worth. But alas. What's done is done! :P

Then I went home and just relaxed. Tried to figure out what I'm going to do this summer as far as jobs or activities or whatever. Ethan came over late last night, which was welcome since I have hardly seen him in like, a week. We went to the park where we sat in the grass and had deep talks in the dark. Then we almost got run over by a park patrol truck and decided we should probably leave. Other highlights: Ethan encounters a caterpillar in the grass and yelps in fear. Hilarity ensues.

Grace: E, it's a caterpillar! It turns into a beautiful butterfly!

Ethan: Have you seen how many legs it has? BAM. That sucker has seventy-five legs.

Grace: How does it have an uneven amount of legs?

Ethan: This one's a REBEL, Grace.

Anyway, we shall see what today holds! Although I'm sick with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and achey ears. So that will limit things. :|


It feels like summer. via my flickr.

This is Ethan.

Although many of the friends I have at our University wouldn't guess, Ethan is not shy. He only censors himself in order to appear... well, sane. :]

He's cleaning his dorm room today, unable to leave school for Spring Break knowing that he'll come back to a dirty place. Also his roommate does next-to-nothing as far as cleanliness is concerned.

Anyway, I received this text from an extremely enthusiastic Ethan:

I HAVE A DUSTBUSTER. What's that Mr. Dust? YOU'RE BUSTED.

Why yes, he is that awesome. I love my best friend!

Today has been extremely lonely.

via my flickr.

Couple of things...

1. Diet Dr. Pepper is underrated.
2. So is coconut. Seriously, people. I know you'll say you don't like it. Neither did I. You'll come around eventually.
3. Zits are over-represented on my face at the mo.

4. Sometimes friends don't act like friends and it is saddening.

5. I got a fever, and the only perscription is taking more photographs.
6. Finals have been fine. I only have one left before Break... Too bad it's the Devil, aka Psych.
7. I haven't seen Ethan in three days. Enough said.
8. For old time's sake...

Even though I'm more the actor nowadays, Boyfriend consistantly out-performed me throughout high school, and for good reason: he's hilarious and talented. :] This is from the play wherein we not only slapped each other multiple times, but also made our relationship official. Secretly. :]

Portraits.

One of my instructors asked me to aid a photographer in taking headshots of my fellow classmates. Helping out actually turned into taking my own set of shots of each person. I collected a few that are among my favorites for a composite post of photos of lovely people. They look funy because they are big photos I compressed into smaller ones for the purposes of all things blog.

Kandace! The sweetest girl.
Allison!
Cathleen!
Rachel!
Melissa!

Dani!

I've missed taking portraits. This has been a ton of fun. I'll prolly do more for people in the coming weeks, which is exciting to me.

Jinelle was at SCU today and it was awesome. She is awesome. :] She goes back to Texas this weekend and I'll miss her! JayJay, thanks for having fun with me the past two weeks! I appreciate you coming to my show multiple times, I enjoyed our Target adventure, and I've had on-campus fun with you, too! :P muah!

And I have two finals to go til Spring Break! That means breakfast date with Ethan. Momma-Daughter get-away. Cleaning... Not ideal. But much needed. And, most importantly, no school. Hallelujah.

Of course not.

Of course I'm not sitting in the library with my best friends Ethan and Jinelle.

Of course I'm not eating chocolate and drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Of course I'm not having way too much fun taking portraits again.

Of course Boyfriend didn't suggest we get some McDonald's to cheer up my sour mood the other day.

Of course McDonald's isn't my deepest, darkest, guiltiest pleasure.

Maybe.

:]

There's a guy I know.

Who sits in front of the couch on which I lay teary-eyed. I'm crying over the fact that I'm not good enough, am I? and I just don't understand and No one believes in me but myself. The latter one sounds kind of positive, but when the people capable of giving you the chance to prove it don't offer you that chance, you're kind of stuck in a rut.

Apart from the summer months, I've consistently been in a show during every quarter of schooling for the past four years. I didn't earn that opportunity this quarter, and I commented on how my life is going to feel sort of empty without it.

He sat, empathizing with me and reminding me that God has a plan for me, before offering me a solution: "I'll do something with you," he suggested. "We'll write our own play. You'll be the princess. And we can sing songs together every weekend." And somehow all of that seems more enjoyable, in a way, than being on a big stage this quarter anyway. :] Thanks E!

I've been thinking recently... I don't think Theatre is for me. I don't want to spend my life in competition. I don't want to spend my life all over the place, with no time or means for a place that I feel I truly belong or for a family of my own... A life like that is too big for a girl like me.

Anyway. Ten months with Ethan. Each one better than the last. :]

Auditions tomorrow.

Relatively freak out? Don't mind if I do!

Words of wisdom from E.

"Wedding rings are usually like, thirty to sixty-five dollars. At least any of the ones I'll ever buy for my future wife. Am I right or am I right?"

He was kidding. I hope. ;]

Not much to say post-time change.

We lost an hour last night. Where did it go? Who knows.

"Over the Mountain" had its closing show last night. I think it was one of our better performances. Strike was relatively short, which gets a big fat thumbs up from me. Also, there was pizza. Need I say more?

 These are lemon-on-lemon cupcakes with sugar sprinkles or coconut. I'm sad to say that by the time I got to school, the text on the cupcakes had melted and spread into nearly unrecognizable shapes. Nevertheless, the sentiment remains the same.

Red congratulatory roses from my Grandma.

Hot pink congratulatory roses from E. :]

Peach congratulatory roses from another Grandma. all via my flickr.

So the closing show went well, made better by the attendence of family members and good friends. Jinelle is home for Spring Break and it's been nice to have a close friend back in town. :] I have missed her and I enjoy her company. And Target excursions. Although I must admit I was a little (read: SUPER) dismayed that the effects of my weight-gain are now evident as I shop for new clothes. Resolution: no more Bronco food! (Sorry, E, you can still go - just please stop being nice enough to include me! :P) Anyway my slightly expanded shape did not stop me from spending too much money on clothes I didn't need. Alas. I'm pretty excited to wear them. Someday. :P

Anyway. Auditions on Tuesday. What in the world? Is this even fair? Legal? I don't know. I have a lot to do. I will leave you with this:

A text I received from Ethan during intermission of last night's show:
I JUST SAW AN OLD COUPLE AND HIS HAND WAS ON HER BUTT ALSO YOUR VOICE, ACTING, AND EVERYTHING IS PERFECT

Almost as cute and funny as when he phoned me this afternoon and maintained a Southern accent throughout the duration of the call. Highlights include, "I thank you're a vary special girl an I miss ya ta bits." ;]

Good news!

I am pleased to announce to all two of you who read this that I am now officially a 'published photographer.' Yes!

Months ago, my darling boyfriend took me on a late-summer trip to the San Francisco Zoo. We were so good-lookin' that we got in free. No seriously. It was a 'locals-get-in-free-with-proof-of-residence' day. Well, we're not locals. And yet they let us in free because they thought we were cute. I don't make these things up.

That's how I knew it would be a good day. Although I never did see the zebra I so desperately sought, I did end up with dozens of photographs of the next best thing: giraffes. Everyone loves giraffes. Including myself. So, using my little point-and-shoot, I caught this gem:

via my flickr.

I was informed about a month ago that Schmap, an online map/travel guide company, had selected this photograph to be on their short-list - that is, under consideration for publication - for their San Franciso 2009 guide as part of their feature on the Zoo.

Well, it's been published! It's but one of many beautiful photographs, so I clicked through to find it before taking screenshots. Check it out here, on the actual online guide, and here, on the Schmap application for iPhones.

Sometimes...

I wonder what I want from Life. What profression or approach to living will best fulfill me? Make me most... myself?

Am I making sense here, people?

Sometimes I have visions of being a performer, always in front of people. Other times I'm much more content imagining myself as an artist less on-display. And sometimes I'm completely content just with the idea of being a wife and a mother - a thought I often couple with the fact that I also sometimes just want to open up a little bakery. And even though my other dreams seem lofty, this last vision is the one that seems silliest to me.

And I wonder why? Is it because it's simple? Is it because I fear that that's boring? Not challenging enough? Or would it be monotonous? Could I live with monotony? Or can I learn to find the variability in such a life? Create the variability?

via my flickr.

I've been blessed with the support of family and friends who encourage me to follow my heart and do my best to accomplish my goals. I consider myself lucky that each of my aspirations are, on one level or another, plausible. :]

Wednesday What?

My Math professor returned our midterms today. I received mine not knowing what to expect. When I discovered that I had aced the exam - an accomplishment perhaps not entirely unusual in Ethan's academic career, but unseen in mine for nearly a decade - I let out a What? This was a good 'what'.

After my second class, I headed to my car which I had parked along a nearby street. Upon reaching my vehicle, I discovered a horrid thing: someone had boxed me in. What? I said again. This was a less pleased 'what', but one of equal disbelief. Someone had squished their vehicle into the few feet between the front of my car and the start of the red-painted curb alerting people not to park there. Although the front of their car was still well into the aforementioned red zone,  this person had opted to give me less than eight inches between the front of my car and the back of their's, despite the fact that there was someone parked not far behind me. Was not happy. Was freaking out. Waited ten minutes. Called Ethan to ask him to come coach me so I wouldn't hit either car. Finally - success, sans retaliation.

Well. There would have been no retaliation had Ethan not had a really good idea...

We left this on the car's windshield before fleeing the scene of the crime. Nothin' like letting your passive-aggressive side out to play.

What? Can you blame us? :]

Things about Tuesday.

1. I had a Psych exam.
2. The sky found out about this and cried on my behalf all day.
3. Hot chocolate is the bomb. Tuesday and every day.
4. Ethan is super adorable, hilarious, and intelligent. Tuesday and every day.
5. My voice recorded is odd, as I discovered as I recorded a warm-up CD for Voice class.
6. Eczema between your fingers is a very ouchy thing.
7. The rain has me photographically inspired both outside and inside my home.
-7a. I LOVE ME SOME MACRO LENS!
-7b. Observe the evidence.

A very teeny cherry blossom in a puddle in my backyard.

These are teensy tiny weeds growing between pavement cracks. I like the photo because it kind of looks like a tropical island. :P

Water droplets. Need I say more?

Found myself relatively perplexed as to why the moon was making an appearance so early in the evening. This macro-lensed photo doesn't do the beauty of the whole thing justice.

This is Ruca, my brother's mouse. We hadn't planned to get a mouse, but one day my brother showed up with one in a little box. My mom asked him what made him think he could buy, keep, and properly care for a mouse? Turns out he hadn't even bought her food, let alone a 'house.' :P Long story short, we ended up with two mice. Voila!

My momma makes fantastic jewelry. I am trying to cajole her into creating at Etsy shop with yours truly so we can spread our artsy love. :] all via my flickr.

8. Round two of the "Over the Mountain" run begins tomorrow!
9. Best Friend Jinelle will be here in three days!
10. I am a very lucky, happy lady. :D

Monday!

Math midterm. Studying for Psych exam. Etc. And - I don't really watch "The Bachelor," but I tuned into the Season Finale because, really, all you need to know about the show happens in that episode. And can I just respond to the whole thing with a resounding, What?

Yes. I can.

And, for no apparent reason, this:

A little turtle spotted by and rescued by my daddy from the middle of the road in Hayden, Idaho, this past summer. via my flickr.

This Week in Photos.

This has been a busy week. Despite a few minor breakdowns and one really big one that hit me on Tuesday, I've been pretty content with the goings-on of my life. :]

Tech rehearsals all week followed by the first weekend of performances of my university's workshop production of "Over the Mountain," in which I act and sing - or to be more accurate, mostly just sing. The production will see its professional theatre debut this spring at Brava! in San Francisco. I love my cast and between this production and theatre classes, I've been spending a whooole lotta time in the Mayer Theatre. In fact, I am currently backstage during our matinee writing this post. Oh baby! Anyway, the week also consisted of many other fun things. Most of which are documented through the art of photography.

So now I present to you, This Week in Photos: The Green Room edition.

The week started off right with a little something called a Parisian Burger (in the style of Linda's Drive-In) from Armadillo Willy's. It's a delectable burger complete with sourdough bun and a 'secret sauce' dating back to the 1950s, served with 'super fries' (aka tater tots). HIGHLY reccomended. Did you know that Armadillo Willy's observes Half-Price Burger Day each Saturday AND serves Diet Dr. Pepper (for which I have found a renewed love)?

Tech Week began with a two sessions of six-hour stumble-through rehearsals. Here is the set about half-way furnished. And Kristin, who plays Jo, lookin' cute.

And then this happened. The Recital Hall framed by a really pretty sunset.
And a nearby building looking really eerie.

Wednesday marked my brother's sixteenth birthday. If you know anything about Tucker, you will be able to understand why I am surprised he even made it to sixteen. :P

So I dressed up really fly for the occasion.
So that E and I could help my darling Momma surprise Tucker and friends (not pictured - this photo kind of makes Tucker look like a loner with a Camp Rock obsession) at school with a four-foot burrito, the likes of which intact were not photographed. Shame.

This is an aforementioned gift to my brother. It is a sterling silver guitar pick handstamped with Tucker's favorite lyrics (from Streetlight Manifesto's "A Better Place, A Better Time"). This masterpiece comes from Jennie of The Frivolous Ferret by Desert Deva Designs. So happy with how it turned out. Tucker was, too!

Here I am, either before our Final Dress on Thursday or pre-Opening on Friday night. The perks of being in a show like this one is that neither perfect hair nor makeup is required. :]

Friday night there was a Cast Party that also served as a birthday party of sorts for a lovely lady I like to call Kandace. Here we are!

On Saturday morning, Ethan made me breakfast: scrambled eggs with cheese, Canadian bacon, and - our favorite ingredient: mushwooms! I was a happy girlfriend. We then helped my parents with yet another surprise in belated-honor of Tucker's birthday: surprise bowling party!

So we went. Ethan is actually a great (and super handsome) bowler. AND, I bowled one-third of a perfect score. Ohhh yeah! And Ethan got the chance to get a little closer with Tucker's friends.

Maybe a lot closer.

I don't have any photos of "Over the Mountain" as of yet. Why is this? I have no clue. I will do my best to remedy soon! Off to study for midterms. Yus!